I can guarantee that 99.7% of the world’s population has seen the movie,
‘The Notebook’. Ok, maybe I can’t, but one thing’s for sure, we’re all suckers
for cheesy romantic movies. You know, the type where the two main characters
are devastatingly attractive. The girl is shy and humble, the guy, popular and
outgoing, but they fall for each other. They most certainly have to kiss in the
rain.
Although these clichéd scenes seem laughable and inconsequential, they
taint our understanding of romance. What really is a romantic gesture? Letting
your girlfriend lie on the door frame while you slowly die of hypothermia and
sink into the depths of the Atlantic is just a little bit extreme for your
everyday Joe. Romance is a feeling, a feeling of excitement and mystery
associated with love. It doesn’t have to be complex but it is one of the most
important elements of our lives.
You see, you don’t have to sentence yourself to your deathbed to be
romantic, you don’t even have to buy that couples getaway advertised on Groupon.
You just have to know the person, what makes them feel valued and appreciated.
Assurance that we are loved is incredibly important. As social creatures we
thrive on togetherness and belonging. It is engrained in us to love and to want
to be loved. Without this romantic validation we are left to scrutinise and
magnify every aspect of the relationship. Arguments start with, ‘but you never
take me anywhere’, and him dodging your calls obviously means he’s found
another woman. A night with the boys can be dissected and remoulded into a pit
of insecurity and suspicion. All of this could be avoided if we were as
romantic as everyone in the movies, however, unfortunately, our destinies
weren’t written by Nicholas Sparks.
It’s as simple as a surprise picnic on the beach, or if you want to go
all out Romeo, you can serenade your beloved at their window. Romance is a form
of kindness and thoughtfulness that is seriously lacking in today’s
relationships. Impromptu late night drives to nowhere are replaced by a ‘u
up?’’ text on Snapchat and many people go through relationships without ever
receiving the classic flowers and a box of chocolates … myself included. One
could even be so brazen as to say romance is dead. We meet strangers in unlit
nightclubs where techno music blares and half the people there won’t remember
the night’s happenings in the morning. You add each other on whatever social
media platform takes your fancy and that’s that. The online relationship has
begun and in a week’s time you will both have forgotten what the other even
sounds like. Now where is the romance in that? As much as the older generations
like to tell us different, it seems they had it better. Scheduled phone calls
at the phone box and dates that couldn’t be cancelled as once you’d left the
house there was no way of contacting you. To talk late at night you would have
to ring the house phone, most typically answered by a member of the family who
would then taunt you to no end after.
It’s easy to find love these days, with countless dating apps and the
world of social media, but it’s almost impossible to keep it. We’re all
familiar with the honeymoon stage. An affection that keeps you on your toes,
infiltrates your every thought and leaves you with a beaming grin. We become
sillier, lighter, happier. A small hug or even a certain look can give us
butterflies in our stomachs that truly make us believe this is why we exist.
Time presents itself and things change. The physical attraction that once
sparked the chemistry has faded, extremities like money and children take a
toll but most importantly, people stop being romantic. That is the difference.
It’s not a matter of falling out of love with one another, but rather choosing
to forget romance. For at the beginning of a relationship it is not love that
you feel, but rather, infatuation, and infatuation will always fade, the same
way there are no twenty year olds still obsessed with One Direction. The thing
that builds love is effort, meaningful conversations and solving arguments,
making the time to be romantic.
Romance will act as a cement to concrete the relationship. So, do the
dishes that your partner hates doing, give them a call instead of texting, or
even just grab their hand as you walk down the road (provided they are not
repulsed by public displays of affection). We get comfortable in relationships,
assume that the other will love us the same regardless of what we do. However,
it is romance that keeps the fire ablaze. As noted in ‘Gone With the Wind’,
‘you should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how’, it is simply a
matter of knowing how you should be romantic, and never let it be too sporadic.
At the end of the day we’re not actors and actresses. We can’t be sure
our relationships will withstand all obstacles just because it says so at the
end of the script. Real life is a minefield with an infinite amount of
scenarios influenced by every minor decision. Now, I’m no relationship guru but
it’s undeniably clear that romance is the key – to create relationships, to
maintain them, to save them, to feel loved, to express love and appreciate
company. There’s a thing or two we could learn from the movies.
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